At the Tomb of the Inflatable Pig

“Reading the book is like watching a Komodo dragon eat a tethered goat. Paraguay, as Gimlette portrays it, is . . . completely bizarre. . . . Conquistadores and Nazis, whores and cannibals, all of them rather awful, all of them splendidly rendered. . . . Graham Greene would have approved.” –National Geographic Adventure

I seem to be on a roll of recommending favourite books. This one is in a category of its own, a crazed travelogue on Paraguay, one of the most exotic, captivating and eccentric countries in the world, according to writer John Gimlette. Even the title of the book is insane.

I have never been to Paraguay, nor are there any Paraguayans amongst my South American friends, so I cannot pretend to have a personal opinion on the veracity of his observations. I can only say the book enchanted me, with its descriptions of hellish jungles, Germanic villages, missionaries, utopian experiments and coups. Apparently the Paraguayans venerate Princess Diana and, if they deem it necessary, will call in Scotland Yard.

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 1:

I had a room on the second floor. It was a vast, mildewed space that might once have been used for dancing classes. It had floor-to-ceiling louvred shutters that were so seized up with drifts of green paint that they’d become petrified in the open position, admitting scalding blasts of dust and roasted corn from the street below. I shared this great green tropical ballroom with two others, for whom it was, in its own way, heavenly. The first was an Englishman called Kevin Pluck who’d come to South America to give some long and careful thought to the question of whether or not he should ever get a job. He had an opening in the car factory at Luton, but the delicious, orange-blossomed lassitude that overwhelmed Asunción ensured that he wasn’t going to hurry the decision. He’d at least made up his mind to return to Luton with a suntan and so he spent a lot of time and effort trying to go brown. For some reason his skin remained determinedly cheesy.

I have given this book to various people as a gift, but I never followed up on whether they had read it and liked it, as I don’t believe in gifts with strings attached. I do however, consider it a fine aid to armchair travel. You will become lost in a world so exotic that it will make you feel like Alice in Wonderland.

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Author: M. L. Kappa

I’m an artist and writer based on a farm in Normandy, France, where we breed horses with my husband.

9 thoughts on “At the Tomb of the Inflatable Pig”

  4. This sounds fascinating. Paraguay and Ecuador are two countries we hear so little about in the West. Most of us know something about Brazil, Argentina, Chile, and Peru, often without exploring further.

    Best wishes, Pete.

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  8. Greece is China’s primary Belt & Road vector into Europe &
    Mediterannean. Twice as many people in Greece than CHina work for the
    government. Graeconiacs are so cantankerous they would botch the
    Elgin Marbles if they got them back. They don’t even clear the
    underbrush to prevent forest fires. If they were really Greek, they
    could make new marbles instead of cry about the old ones. In America,
    Graeconiac vampire landlords never repair their buildings because they
    expect earthquakes to destory them anyway. They will stuff the Elgins
    up their gizzards to keep their flatulence from warming the
    atmosphere. Boycott olive oil because Greeks catch little birds with
    fish hooks to protect olive groves. If Greeks trojaned their
    eurobudgets, do you trust their food hygiene, caique shipping,
    quisling lawyers or olive witch doctors? It is not just the Ruskin
    oil evading sanctions with swaps off the Laconian gulf. Heathen
    Graeconiacs are the ones who control not only the Ruskins, but most
    muslim oil and industry. Greeks not only ship oil, but also shipped
    slaves. This is why the Holy Planet of America needs to impose a
    fourth (1854,1967,2008) Promthus plan to neutralise the sovietical
    presticulations of the Graeconiacs. Rubio got Panama to quit the China
    Belt and Road but all the ports in Greece are Cosco. OSE is now part
    of Italian Belt & Road responsible for Tempe. Greek ships still
    maintain control over the former Byzantine empire in part through
    their genocidal islamosoviet religion, Trojan perfidy and communist
    philosphers. The Graeconiac government uses our foreign aid to fund
    all colonization by forcing Americans of Greek ancestry to lobby on
    behalf of Byzantine domination using their Ellinomatheia program that
    discourages assimilation in violation of the Foreign Agent
    Registration Act. The Greek courts also eternally stifle Americans
    from disgorging any Greek assets to comply with FATCA. They racketeer
    against Americans of Greek ancestry attaining their American
    birthright with nazi labels like expatriate diaspora homogeny.

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